I am a big fan of being intentional. With that being said, this whole post could now go one of two ways. Option #1 – super sweet and heartfelt Hallmark card-esque. And if that were the case, I would say things like “don’t take advantage of the people who are in your life; be intentional about those relationships.” blah blah blah. And while I think that is all super important, I think those kind of pep talks should come from someone like a pastor or Oprah or the Dalai Lama… and because I am none of the above I will give you my point of view of what being intentional is.
Be intentional… Brittany Style! Step #1 – changing the phrase. I like to say it with a little more sass and swag, so take “be intentional” and swing it with a little flare to sing out, “Like a BOSS!”… trust me, you will feel like a boss and being a boss feels ah-may-zing! Step #2 – develop your signature facial expression. You should be able to scream “Like a BOSS!” without uttering a single word. My signature facial expression consists of a steady smeyze (smile with your eyes), a half joker smile with puckered lips and a little head nod. LIKE.A.BOSS!
Now that we are up to speed on that, let me enlighten you on everyday situations you can handle like a boss…
- Over Eating: Don’t ever feel bad about eating an entire tub of ice cream ever again. You ate that ish because you wanted to and you finished it because it was darn good. So when you scrape the bottom of that carton and realize that you just smashed 80 million calories in a single episode of Grey’s Anatomy, be proud and announce to the room (even if it is just you and your cat) “LIKE.A.BOSS!”. Boom! You just took control of that situation and bossed what could’ve been a complete melt down of tears and guilt into a victorious moment… and I am proud of you.
- Going #2 in public: It happens to everyone and I am here to tell you, it’s ok! We shouldn’t shame ourselves or others about dropping a stank bomb. Do you have any idea how bad it is for you to hold that stuff in?!?! We are talking about serious medical problems. So next time you are in a public restroom and you hear someone doing work in the stall next to you, don’t laugh or gag or talk to your girl friend about how bad it smells… just give that stall door a high five and encourage your fellow female by saying “Yes mam! LIKE.A.BOSS!”. And then walk out… quickly! Once the poop is verbally recognized, face to face contact should not be made. Awkward! —- And if you are the pooper and you happen to catch eyes with a co-bathroom goer while you are washing your hands, do not say a word! Speaking only invites the kind of awkwardness that ends in uncontrollable laughter. And while I appreciate these kind of insanely uncomfortable moments, not everyone does, so have some respect and use your signature “LIKE.A.BOSS!” facial expression… and once again, exit the bathroom quickly! I am not a fan of engaging in any kind of bathroom activity with strangers for more than 10 seconds. You never know what kind of George Michaels freak could be in there.
- Staring: I hate when people stare at me and then look away when they think I caught them. You aren’t doing me any favors by doing that. You look embarrassed and I am left wondering “what was that about?”. If you are going to stare, stare hard; stare LIKE.A.BOSS! If I am going to stare at you, it is because something caught my attention and I am not going to look away until my curiosity is satisfied. I don’t care if it is awkward for the person I am staring at; I am usually staring because there is something awkward about them. I’m going to stare at you like a boss until I can figure out what the heck is going on. And if you want to get on your sassy-horse and ask me a dumb-ass question like “What are you staring at?”, I will let you know. “I’m trying to figure out how much hairspray you used to get your teased mess of a weave to sit like that on your misshapen head. Fascinating!”. Try me, trick! Trick, try me! So when you stare, I encourage to stare LIKE.A.BOSS!
I could literally go on forever about doing things like a boss, but I won’t keep you all day. I realize that most of you are reading this while sitting at your work computer and that your boss can, and probably will, come around the corner at anytime and realize you are wasting “valuable” company time. So when he/she asks you what you are doing, I want you to keep this blog up on your computer screen, turn around slowly in your chair, stare at him/her LIKE.A.BOSS and say, “You look great today! Have you been working out? I am going to get some coffee, can I get you something too?”. Stand up, smile and walk away quickly. They won’t have a chance to slam you for wasting company time (thus saving your job… honestly, nobody likes unemployment), they definitely won’t have time to tell you if they want coffee (thus saving your dignity… you aren’t their servant), and all they’ll be able to remember is that you complimented them and left them smiling… LIKE.A.BOSS!
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